Духовное одиночество – вещь тяжёлая. Тяжёлая и громоздкая в судьбе твоей. Скопище дум, дум раздражённых своей немотой, беззвучностью, неслышностью для окружающих, так и рвётся порой наружу, в лицо и в глаза надоевших неизменностью и неизменной низменностью обывателей. Эти думы нетерпеливы и так и рвутся словами из тебя, и лишь осторожность и благоразумная трусость перед психбольницей держат тебя от срыва в пропасть эмоций и гнева.
Конечно, давно свернув к вере и ко Христу, ты теперь можешь свернуть ещё и к Церкви и обрядам её. Исповедь! Вот где можно сказать всё! Но неуёмный вопрос поднимается во весь рост из траншей отчаяния: кому сказать?!.
Если бы рассказать себя пришлось самому Христу, вопросов нет. Пожалуй, согласился бы. Но ты идёшь к человеку, наряженному в рясу, и признать ты должен не перед Богом своё духовное несовершенство, а перед этим человеком. Да, есть настоящие духоборцы , святые старцы и подобные обожившиеся люди. Но их единицы. А если я приду к священнику, здоровенному детине, которому, судя по нехилому пузу его, и чревоугодие не чуждо, и жену он пользует часто и регулярно, если учесть его многочисленных потомков, то где же здесь воздержание от похотей, страстей, где искание и стяжание духа?! Почему я должен отключить мозг и встать вровень духовно с его жалкими умом прихожанами, почитающими этакого патера и ценящими всю эту обрядовую мишуру и священническое умение басить. Невелика наука! И невелико достоинство! Басить я тоже умею. Но я знаю, сколько и от чего могу воздерживаться я, и потому у меня нет даже шатких оснований полагать этого детину духовно более совершенным, чем я сам, не считающий себя при этом святым и никого к исповеди не склоняющий.
А потому пока в церковь я не сворачиваю: не сдаться же этим сдавшимся плоти, этому маловерию, этому недомоганию веры.
Сергей Уткин, Костромская область
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Не совсем понятно, к чему эта заметка на портале "Приходы". Автор подбирает себе поводы, чтобы не идти на исповедь к священнику (ни к какому), причем поводы давно уже избитые. И при этом считает, что "давно уже свернул ко Христу и к вере". Святые отцы давно уже высказались по этому поводу.
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